When it comes to essays like these the usual structure is that you describe three traits that you feel like capture you as a person. I believe you build versions of yourself that all coexist within you. I’ve decided I’m going to give my reader a backstage pass to the three traits that coincide in me. There is the fun, social and comedic version. The hopeless romantic who wants to see the best in every person I meet. Lastly the man who has gotten so comfortable with being hurt and being shit on in life which has led him to the conclusion that he isn’t good enough anymore. There is a constant internal battle between these three and in this essay, I will dive into how they each shape and form my personality.
Starting with the star of the show we will name this aspect of myself Earl just to make it a little easier to keep track. When describing Earl, I think of the guy who can walk into a room and spark up a conversation with anybody. If you would’ve spoke to me at the beginning of last year you would think I’m talking about someone else when it comes to the more social aspect of my personality. Over the past two years I’ve become extremely close with one of the most goofy, social, and talkative people in southern WV. I used to think I was introverted because I really liked being alone, but it turns out I just like being at peace and I am very extroverted when I am around people who bring me peace the more time I’d spend with this person the more I realized how easy it is to speak my mind. As Earl started to become a critical player in my personality all the house parties and bonfires I’d go to felt like I was surrounded by friends instead of a group of strangers with a little help from my good friend liquid courage. I try my hardest to let Earl guide me into new situations and experiences with an open mind and positive outlook.
The next trait and my personal favorite of my three most distinct personality traits is the man who daydreams and who believes that if he chases after the love he thinks he deserves he will eventually find that love. I’m going to refer to him as Romeo. You would think the more negative aspect of my personality would be the most dangerous to my mental health but I’m certain that Romeo is the most destructive part of me. Romeo is where all my overthinking originates from. He is where I replay failed relationships, feed every ounce of self-doubt, and sees the good in everyone but myself. Even though Romeo brings out some of my most self-destructive traits he is also the light inside me. He keeps my desire to push forward in life burning and to find one of those fairytale romances. He is the part of me that makes me believe there is still good in the world and makes me realize that all this rage and negative energy I have from a life of bad luck is being recycled into my current relationships. Romeo makes me want to do better. He also is the part of me that is the root of all my insecurities. He is the part of me that holds on to the good in people even if they are clearly holding me back in life.
The final member of this train wreck is the part of me that struggles with the basics. He is the part of me that realizes all the trust I put into people can be used against me. He is the only part of me I truly don’t understand. Whenever he takes the wheel I could go from being in a one of the best moods of my life to wanting to end it. He isn’t all negative though he makes losing people easier and whenever it feels like everything is falling apart he helps me get into an auto pilot mode. I went through some significant trauma about five years ago and out of all my major traits he has helped me cope and grow from that. I learned a lot from my time at southern especially after taking my psychology class. That class helped me to be more understanding and forgiving towards myself and others. Out of all the versions of myself this is the one who has hurt me the most. He taught me that I am not special, and no one can save me in the end. In one hundred years no one will remember me, so he has shown me that I need to make the most of the finite amount of time I have left.
To wrap things up on a lighter note I’ve come to the realization that at this point in my life I am deeply happy. I’m still working towards the person I want to be and that I need to resist becoming cynical toward myself and my life. When you are building yourself from the ground up you realize that sometimes there are parts of your personality and past that you must leave behind. Learning to take the best from these three traits and to not let the negative rest in your mind. I think the moral of this essay is that we are all trying our best and we all have things that we are trying to improve within ourselves. I’ve learned that the best way to improve these three traits is to focus on improving all of them at once. I know that it takes time to change and that if you work on yourself you are working on your future.