An Experience that Changed My Life: Feeling Guilt

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I was eight years old, when I first experienced the feeling of guilt. An experience that changed my life forever. I enjoyed school, I showed up every single day ready to see my friends and learn. In third grade, I had three close friends, David, Kyle and Richard, and I could rely on them with anything. We did everything together, from playing four square and handball at recess, to eating lunch at our own spot. We hung out every second we could. I never thought any of this would change, but in a span of a week my life took an emotional turn.

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It was a Wednesday at school, and that morning I didn’t have breakfast. My stomach growled every 10 minutes louder and louder. I felt like the whole class can hear my stomach. Constantly staring at the clock go tick tock, tick tock for hours. As soon as the bell rung for lunch our teacher lead the line to the cafeteria, but when I checked my pockets to see if I brought my money, I only had a dollar. I was angry that I forgot my money at home and desperate to eat lunch. So, I quickly asked my teacher to use the restroom, and I ran up the stairs to see all the backpacks hung up against the wall and saw my friend Richards bag. I looked around to see if anyone was near and no one was in sight. As I open the bag, I see a whole bag of coins, and I decided to take eight of them. I bought my lunch and carried on through the day like nothing happened. Even though the thought of me taking money from my friend started to consume my mind.

Until after school approached, and Jamba Juice came to sell smoothies. I totally forgot once a month on Wednesdays Jamba Juice would sell smoothies for five dollars. I was already satisfied with the lunch I ate, and didn’t even bother caring for a smoothie. I walked with my friends to the line, where it was crowded. Everyone wanted a smoothie, the whole elementary school and their parents were in the line waiting. As we were in the line waiting, all my friends decided to get their money out. When Richard got his bag of coins out, he asked me if I’m going to to buy a smoothie. I told him no, and that I didn’t bring money for Jamba Juice. We all approached the front of the line, David and Kyle ordered a smoothie each, and when Richard ordered, he ordered two. I was oblivious to see what was going on, until he handed me a smoothie he bought for me. I was in disbelief, witnessing how kind of a gesture that was. I responded with a thank you. Right then, I felt the feeling of guilt. It hurt me physically and emotionally. Knowing that I stole from a friend that with a warm heart made me miserable.

The next day, I felt depressed. I told my mother that I wasn’t feeling well, and didn’t have enough sleep last night, so she let me stay in that day. I felt guilty, and I didn’t enjoy the feeling at all. I went into my mother’s room and asked her if she can talk, and she said of course. All of the emotions inside of me were building, and I had to talk to someone I trust to let it out. I told my mother what happened, knowing how disappointed she would react. I was hurting, knowing how much I let down my parents, but it felt much better communicating with someone rather than me putting myself down. Telling my mother wasn’t enough, I knew I had to apologize to Richard and pay him back every cent.

Friday morning approached, I was nervous as well anxious to see Richard. Lunch time came and I finally got to see him. I automatically told him what happened Wednesday at lunch, and paid him back his two dollars, and the money for the smoothie, with my deepest apology. He accepted my apology and told me I should’ve just asked for it and he would have given it to me because we’re friends. That week changed my whole mental state. I felt the biggest emotional breakdown I’ve ever had. The feeling of guilt consumed me, it made me become aware of the consequences of committing a sinful act.  

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