Family dynamics are interesting to evaluate, especially trying to evaluate the dynamics between my own family members. Our ethnicity is Hispanic, we are of the Mexican-American race; however, our traditions and expectations following mainly along what we would be considered to be heavily “American. ” It is interesting to ponder over our traditions and lifestyles, as we do follow many of the Mexican family values and beliefs, while we also believe in American beliefs and follow those traditions.
Our family unit is very close, even though I have left the nest. We remain in contact on a daily basis to ensure that each member is doing well and, if not, which possible methods can be utilized in order to help each other.
According to Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, there are three components that create the ultimate love, or consummate love: intimacy, passion, and commitment(Madey & Rodgers, 2009). Applying this theory to my family is quite simple when looking at my parents’ relationship with one another, and their relationship with their children.
My parents are not the typical parents, as both are really young in comparison to their oldest child, which is myself, with only a fifteen year difference between my mother and I. For almost twenty years, my parents have been together. Even after eleven years of marriage and longer time with a child, my parents still maintain all three components. It is obvious that passion has remained high over the years, but they also share a sense of connectedness and commitment(PT). Every decision made is made collectively and although eleven years is not considered a long time to stay together, my parents have spent most of their teenage lives together and their young adulthood.
Despite being parents and marrying young, my parents do not wish that for my siblings and I. Growing up, I never understood how my family was so In fact, they are constantly reminding us that by doing so, we are setting ourselves up for a very typical Hispanic lifestyle. It is common for Hispanics to marry and have children at a young age work until they are unable to; however, this traditional lifestyle is no longer desired by most Hispanic and American parents(book). My parents are an example of this shift of lifestyles from traditional to more modern views, even though their marriage is rather ideal, it does not mean they want their children to be married or parents at such a young age.
Love is an interesting topic that I find rather difficult to define. In my past relationships, I have learned what I do not want in a partner: distrust, overattachment, and neediness. These characteristics are what I would not use to define love. Love, in my mind, is to be with a person who is understanding, willing to share responsibilities, and will not be overbearing. I am very much an independent person, and although I would like to be with someone and come home to someone, I do not want to feel as though I am being suffocated by the presence of another person. I know that many people want a person to spend their entire lives by each other, but I believe that to be overly clingy and I do not want that in my relationship. I like my own space from time to time, so the idea of someone always being by me is highly uncomfortable.
Love, for me, also has major trust involved. Trust issues are more common than ever, this is likely due to the overabundance of technology and social media, but I do not believe this is a good enough reason to start off a relationship with high sense of distrust and jealousy. I do not think it is fair for a person to accuse another of not being trustworthy and constantly demanding to look at the other’s phone. In one relationship, my former partner was always very skeptical of my faithfulness and, upon demanding to look at my phone messages, I decided to let them see it and quickly ended that relationship. I firmly believe this sense of insecurity is based off what we see in romantic relationships online or of our peers, but I do not want that for my own relationship. I am fully aware that will be difficult to find someone who fits these same beliefs, but they are my beliefs in what love truly is.
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