Some people sneer at a runner who rushes through them in the park, declare that she will do everything to live longer. It is not a reason why most people workout. They barely think of longevity but a persistence for a fulfilled life. Haruki Murakami wrote: “Exerting yourself to the fullest of individual limits is the essence of running.”
Exercising is meaningful to me as to other. Upon entering high school, I was furious. I went to a public school because of failure to attend Literature specialized course. Many of my classmates, who were more familiar to formulas and repetitions, did not support other in team projects. In addition, the recovery from a toxic relationship was uneasy. Because my old friends lived far away, we barely met to support others. My stress and anxiety were rooted at lack of self-love. I relied heavily on judgments to see myself. For one year, social media became my addiction. The emptiness gave me good reasons for being idle, but I never admit my bad results. Gradually, I lost control of school work and my body because of over-eating. My stress worsened after continuous events; sometimes, I felt a shortage of breath, rapid heart rate, and scared heat through the body without reasons. I never felt the need to move. I gained weight fast, but clothes from grade seven still looked good on my body. There were pimples, but weren’t they the signals of puberty?
During Quidditch training, my performance was unacceptable: I couldn’t run for more than 3 minutes. Days later, the team captain pushed me to run an hour per evening, at least three sessions a week. After the first 100 meters, my organs began to bounce, making me breathe like a thirsty cow. “I think I’m getting old”. He just nodded his head and continued his run, leaving me to cringe. The only motivation for me to run was to preserve my pride, I practiced as I hated to see his cold face again. The road ahead was the only thing matters. Somewhere between tree rows, I saw nothing but the birds, smelt nothing but the fragrance of pomelo flowers. I did not know that I cried so much that night when some people thought me to be a spy, thus denied the request to join the class group. My 4 marks at Chemistry, it made no sense when I ran. My mind was blank, and there were only me and my ambitions. Now I realized the irony of “getting old”.
We thought we knew too much, and that our dramas made us edgy and unique, despite the truth that we were just sixteen, seventeen-year-old children. My solution is to run more, not to run away. Regular exercises bring me calmness and the ability to find beauty. I have learned so much about love and self-care. Every morning, I’m prompt by the thought that one day my existence will be meaningful. To me, the opposite of depression is not happiness, it is vitality.
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