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Fear, Doubt, and Guilt Manifesting in Relationships

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Fear, doubt and guilt are prevalent results of any type of abuse from a partner and form unhealthy relationships. The Long Term Effects of Abuse and Stress Ruins not only the relationships but Lives as well. It is easy to get wrapped up in the ups and downs of emotionally abusive on and off relationship. Victims too often miss the signs of emotional abuse, even though they are most likely there from the beginning. Narcissists are the most common perpetrators of emotional abuse. What traits does someone that deals with narcissism have, and what does that person look like in the early stages of dating?

Analyze Your Emotions

Signs that cause fear and guilt in a romantic relationship are Avoiding acknowledgment of the feelings of others, while at the same time bringing up how their emotions are being effected. This is the ultimate guilt trip that victims are groomed into believing. This can manipulate men or women victims that they are the issue and it is their own fault for getting their feelings hurt. Not only does this self pity cause guilt but also poor self reflection. An example is when a partner intentionally or unintentionally expresses something that leads the other to feel demeaned and then blames this victim for their emotions. A constructive way to identify the red flags of your partner is to analyze the emotions you experience from their presence or communication. Look out for feelings of guilt, shame, hurt, rejection, depression, or anger. Take action. Getting in touch with the emotions your nervous system is signaling you. Making yourself more vulnerable to them, by apologizing on their behalf, easily giving up in an argument to avoid confrontation and deny anything is wrong by not taking responsibility and lying to self, is enabling the abuser. Most often women suffer more frequently from abuse then men however, “Emotional abuse crosses all social classes, ethnic groups, sexual orientations and religions. The common denominators of abusers are personal, social and psychological, not demographic”.

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Misogynistic Mindset

Narcissistic attitude can be hard to spot but there are very subtle signs you might discover in a loved one that can lead you to come to the conclusion that they are in deed a narcissist. In the specific case of women who are subjected to emotional abuse it is very probable the abuse is due to a misogynistic mind set. This way of thinking has been ingrained deeply in the roots of history and religion. In the play, Hamlet by William Shakespeare the main character lord Hamlet has a very openly misogynistic view saying, “‘Get thee to a nunnery. Get thee to a nunnery, farewell. To a nunnery, go – and quickly too'” 3.1-121, 137, 140. He says this to poor ophelia. Hamlet sexually objectifies Ophelia here, while he orders Ophelia to a nunnery, otherwise known as a brothel, because he assumes that all women are unfaithful and all wives cheat therefore they are not good for anything but there bodies. this is possibly a result from his upbringing in a highly gender specific society. A society at doesn’t believe a man should cry even when he has lost his beloved father. Hamlet is told, while grieving, that a man shouldn’t be crying, by his uncle Claudius. “‘Tis sweet and commendable in your nature, Hamlet. To give these mourning duties to your father. […] but to persevere In obstinate condolement is a course Of impious stubbornness. ‘Tis unmanly grief. It shows a will most incorrect to heaven, A heart unfortified, a mind impatient, An understanding simple and unschooled” (1.2.90-92; 96-101).

Hiding Information

A narcissists person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. Known as they kind of pretentious kind of people that think the world caters to them. Believe it or not we’ve all most likely met a narcissist and didn’t initially, or if not ever, noticed it. they will often Tell lies and half-truths for attention, self importance or to avoid having to explain their actions they will Accuse and blame to divert attention away from themselves and Refuse to accept the perspective of others while irrationally defending their own positions. One of the most blatant signs of an abusive narcissist is if they Withhold information in areas affecting the lives of those they are abusing. This gives them the control to manipulate future events. although 75% of people with narcissism are found to be male, women can also be narcissists. women in relationships with violent and self absorbed men is that it can drain the energy of working mothers. “It also diminishes a woman’s ability to care and provide for her children and to participate in the work force” (Miller, 1995; Burstow, 1992).

Female Narcissists

Female narcissists treat the men in their lives in a manner indistinguishable from the way male narcissists treat ‘their’ women. “The problem is, the malignant female narcissist rarely outgrows her excessive sense of entitlement, lack of empathy and thirst for interpersonal exploitation – she merely adjusts these traits to her changing environment. The female malignant narcissist is not just vain and self-absorbed. She is also a covert bully who ensnares fellow female friends, relationship partners and family members into her toxic web” says Shahida Arabi on 5 Signs You’re Dealing With A Dangerous Female Narcissist.

Follow Your Doubts

Those that hold fear guilt and shame above their significant other’s head are never setting up a relationship to be successful. Instead they are subjecting their partner to a life ruined by low self-esteem and a poor self-image. Feelings of detachment, isolation and fear never belong in any relationships, romantic or not. Follow your instincts and doubts,” doubts are your issues in disguise” says Harley Therapy in his article Doubt in Relationships – Useful or Toxic? He studies Counseling of, Relationships. He suggests “Doubt in relationships – a sudden fear or uncertainty about the person we are with – is inevitable and not necessarily a bad sign”. But you can never be too careful. Doubt is rarely the real problem in a relationship. It’s a lack of communication that tends to be the true issue. However, when red flags appear never let them go without analyzing them.


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