According to laboratory studies at the Australian National University, young Australians ranging from twelve to eighteen are able to survive long periods of time without any kind of nourishment as long as they are able to be continually connected to any kind of technology with a messaging text plan. “At first, we began testing teens for six to nine hours, and then we found out that we could stretch it to twenty seven hours quite effortlessly,” stated Mike Kachowski, head researcher on the study.
Then a breakthrough came. Dr. Kachowski explained that his graduate assistants accidentally left a group of ten teens locked up over the school holidays. “They were in one of the back research labs, and we had to rush to catch a flight back home,” said Carrie Lamont, graduate assistant. “I was prepared to take full responsibility for my actions when I remembered about the students on New Year’s Eve. About three weeks later I and the other graduate assistants had returned, we unlocked the research room.” Instead of any kind of disaster or charges against them for locking the students in, the researchers found all ten teens had been happily texting away for almost four weeks.
When each of the teens were asked individually if they had been terrified or traumatised during their accidental confinement, the teens had told researchers with rolling eyes that only twenty minutes had passed. The group of ten teens was made up of four males and six females, all between the age of fifteen and sixteen. The teens were interviewed by psychiatrist, Jonathan Michael, he stated “Apparently none of the teenagers had realised that there were other teenagers in the same room with them in the duration of the four weeks, It’s amazing how this could even be possible.” One of the teens, Paul Mugolous, noted, “It wasn’t really in the, like scientist people had unlocked the door that I looked up and said, yo I am a little hungry, you have any food bro?”
Dr. Kachoski had explained that in a further examination of the teenage students showed that “The teenage metabolism actually slows to almost a hibernation state during serious texting times.” His hypothesis in working is that the body happens to almost shut down appearing to redirect all it’s remaining energy to the fingertips and eyes, while at the same time shutting down most of the rest of the body including the brain. “We have run many tests where we try and provoke them (the teenage subjects) with knitting needles and yell at them to take out the trash whilst they are texting and we have not received any type of cognitive response from them. They are effectively brain dead during the period of texting. It is really quite an interesting feat.”
The parental units of the teenage subjects were amazingly surprised that their children were missing over the four week period. They had all assumed that they had been hiding away in their bedrooms since their doors were shut tight as usual. “My husband and I started to become a little suspicious, though,” said one of the mothers, Mary Ridinghood, “because we didn’t have to buy expensive shoes new shoes every once a week.”
Dr. Kachoski had soon increased the size of experiments with the teenagers, trying to extend the period without any kind of nourishment to the absolute lists. “We still haven’t found their breaking point,” he said. “We have five research groups of the ten teens each. Most of them have so far gone more then five months without food.” Dr. Kachoski specifically monitors the health of each of the teenagers through their phones to measure a variety of health factors such as heart rate, respiration, metabolism and etc. “Right now at this moment, they are all in perfect health and they all apparent also have many important things to text about.”
Kachoski had noted that some of the researchers from the research teams had quit as they had tested the teenagers reaction into removing the WIFI. The teenagers that were tested without the WIFI for six minutes and twenty two seconds had quickly turned into “A very ugly scene” as Dr. Kachoski had described it as. To the sight of this, many phone corporations have quickly taken this into account and have started to pour nearly sixty million dollars in texting research and development. Many countries around the world have also considered to spread the power of this study into some of the worlds most poorest areas as a way to reduce food needs.
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