I find both NVC and SCARF very useful, and even complementary. I think NVC has its strengths in dealing with the emotional way of communicating, discouraging potential violence, and engaging people in a more positive way, which in the end improves overall communication.
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On the other side, SCARF deals with improving communication by using scientific research and an approach more focused on the science behind how the brain works and reacts to situation and stimuli. By knowing how these low-level processes work, we can use the domains of SCARF to effectively improve communication between a team, by actively discouraging or encouraging certain stimuli and behaviors.
In applying both tools to my daily life let me start with the SCARF method I could see it playing a huge role in how I go about my daily living. Work plays a big role in my life so I know first-hand about the status effect. There were days early in my working life where I thought that I was not deemed as being important to the company, that affected me greatly. Although not everything has changed I am being acknowledged of how important I am to the company which has helped me improve on my status level. The status method has helped me be better with my work.
After learning what NVC is and how to use it, I noticed that before I actually knew what it was, I have been practicing some of these techniques already. I remember there was a time one of my classmates felt hurt by something another student said to her, she came to me and requested I just say something to distract her mind from dwelling on the pain, I observed her and the situation, I took her feelings into consideration whilst speaking to her and tried to give her what she needed at the time. I didn’t do a perfect job but I think helping her out in a way helped me grow as an individual and am still growing in learning to see things from others people perspective before concluding and NVC helps in discovering more on how to handle situations and what my first reaction should be when being faced with a challenge.
Now let me use examples to explain better NVC I remember being at a friend’s home and a brother and sister of that household was involved in some fiery conflict. The way the mother handled the situation was very admirable. She assessed the situation first, then put both children to a seat and listened to both sides of the story without shouting or arguing fiercely. By using effective communication, the situation was eventually resolved and everybody was happy. she did not blame anyone but instead she allowed them to speak, they said their opinions and then she evaluated the matter and spoke in a non-violent manner.
Another example of NVC I will use is based on Observation from the NVC text. I will encourage people to not judge and to describe other people in a non-violent, Pacific and non-judgmental way, for example at school there tend to be cliques and people form such because they feel the other sets of people are not like them because of the way they talk or the way they dress so in this case I will call them together and get them to speak about the reason why they don’t like each other and make them know they can let them know in a good way and also let them know that everyone is different and most times speaking to people nicely can make them better. This is where describing people in a non-violent and non-judgmental way comes in.
An example of SCARF method is fairness and I would use this example at the workplace as well. A lot of times when staffs are underpaid to cut costs or not really given incentives because the employers know that it may be difficult for the employee to find a job if he/she decides to leave. When an employer decides to pay the employee what he /she deserves this is a form of fairness. When employees are treated unfairly this tends to affect the progress of the company as well and can have the opposite effect when they are treated right. so if I work in a place and am underpaid and treated badly but others are been paid well and treated better this affects my work input and this also affects the company’s output but when am treated good and paid well just like everyone this makes my input perfect so this is the act of fairness.
Another example of SCARF is the certainty-uncertainty mechanism. Let’s use this scenario at work when a sense of certainty is placed on every possible situation we can to assure people that things are okay, and not to assume people are feeling safe and secure. This will eliminate the threat of uncertainty, and the negative impact it has on people’s minds and feelings and this will make everyone look forward to coming to work each day and working effectively and efficiently and you will notice expectations won’t just be achieved but will be exceeded.
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