My name is [REDACTED] and I am a small part of the children who live in this world, if there are children who have a closed personality or commonly referred to as an introvert, then I can practically be included in that category. But I am confused with myself, the nature of my introvert is only valid in my family who knows what happened I did not understand it. When I gather with friends as if my closed nature is gone and I can express my true self. My family knows me with a cool figure, closed, like a child and many more. I don't know why I can be said with a child who is very ignorant, but my friend said that I was a person who was preoccupied, chatty, crazy, jail and many others and it was very upside down to what was said by my family Either I am not sensitive to circumstances or I who do not know have to express myself in front of my family.
I entered MI in 2007, MTsN in 2012, and MAN in 2015. When I was a 3rd grade MAN I began to be confused about where to go to college, I tried to register for SNMPTN where I currently choose the campus of Malang State University and Trunojoyo University Madura Before announcing SNMPTN I tried again to register through the SPAN PTKIN pathway where I chose the campus of the University of Muhammadiyah Malang (UMM) and the State Islamic University of Sunan Ampel (UINSA). There I really hope that I can be accepted at one of the universities. SNMPTN came out waiting, finally at 17.00 WIB I ventured to see whether I accepted or not and after I wrote my username and password I finally knew the words I did not accept at the two universities. Sad, I want to get angry all mixed up. There I was really down and I was very guilty of not being accepted. A few weeks later it was finally announced that the SPAN PTKIN had come out. There I was really afraid, I was afraid to disappoint my family who had been waiting for me to receive. Finally the clock showed 17:00 WIB and I ventured and had begun to let SNMPTN go and hoped that this one could be accepted.
But it is true that humans can hope but it is God who determines what is best for his servant. And the same after I entered my username and password, it was finally announced and it appeared on the mobile homepage and it turned out that I was also not accepted at SPAN PTKIN. There I could not hold back my tears and I was really hurt for being returned. I always praise myself and the feeling of disappointment towards myself also increases and feels very difficult to be able to forgive myself at that time. UN holidays arrived, there I was confused about continuing college. I also think that if my vacation is only made to supplement I want to go to college where I waste a lot of time, finally I work first for a month to relieve stress and also to utilize the time available. I thought it was very fun but I was wrong in that fun. I have to get up at 4 to prepare for work and at 5 I have to leave and arrange 6 must be in place. Honestly working there makes me more depressed, but if I want to get out and get lost with my own ego and I become a weak person and do not want to know how difficult it is to make money.
At the end of July I decided to go to Sumenep and study there. I was permitted by my aunt at the study program, which was actually not me that was favored by accounting, yes, I really didn't like the course. And in the middle of August, I started the test to be able to enter the campus, which was the UNIBA Madura campus, which now I still need knowledge from. And after announcing it turned out that I received and received a full scholarship for 4 years there. I am truly grateful, happy, touched and crying. It turns out that behind our failures, our disappointment over events that we do not like finally God gives happiness to what we expect. Starting from there, I challenged to start liking accounting and eventually I fell in love with accounting mostly tax. The day began to pass and I began my activities as a student. I started to study, studied there and started learning Madura too. Actually Madurese language is almost similar to Javanese but there are also many differences, ranging from traditions, culture and so forth. Honestly, it's been more than 1 year and even the 2 years I've lived here I still don't speak Madura.
Sometimes I understand what was said but I also try to help him. Even so, I can still feel comfortable here because many friends who want to teach me Madura so softly. But lately I began to feel a huge disappointment again. Pain, disappointment, wanting to give up, wanting to be satisfied with all that I am experiencing right now. I was really stressed and the worst thing was I was afraid if this life was made by someone. I'm just trying to keep thinking positive even though this heart is rejected.
I just want to keep trying to be the best and be able to support my family. I still like my days here as usual, in the morning I go to college and go home until I get sick sometimes there is no class I still stay on campus, because in my opinion the campus is really like the safest and most comfortable home for me. If I'm on campus feeling anxious and scared as if it just disappears, somehow I won't even think about it. To be sure I can only take and try what is going on in my mind it really did not happen and most importantly my life is still safe and not threatened is available threatened. Because my life needs to be fought for.