In my life, when I have trouble, I always lose my confidence, motivation and become desperate. Usually, I keep silent and try to escape from my situation. According to Maori proverb, 'Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.' I have to convince myself that everything will be fine. English was the worst subject I have ever studied in my country. I hated English so much because it was the cause of depressing my grade at school. Now, I am getting used to studying with English and become better every day.
In my country, every single student at the secondary school has to study English as a main subject. But we just had to study grammar and vocabulary, the school did not focus on any skills in English. Sometime, they teach us how to speak and pronounce words. The first time, I was very excited because I could learn a new language. I imaged in my head that I can speak English fluently and communicate with American people. The truth was not easy like I imagined. I started to learn at school and I try to repeat any word but it was hard than I thought. And in grammar, I did not pay any attention so I had many troubles. I did my grammar homework like instinct. I did not know any rules about that and then it became bad habit and when everything went further I lost the basic in English. It was hard for me to study again everything. When I came to high school, there was a teacher who reviewed everything for her class at began this semester. I was lucky because I studied in her class. She taught about simple things first and then it became more difficult. My English knowledge was getting better. I started to study in basic, and looked up everything online to make sure that I was right. I was getting used to studying English but I still did not like it.
I had to be in touch with English in everything in my major. When I took the quality exam to join into university, I did not have enough score to come into my dream major. At that time, my dream became an elementary teacher. I failed and I picked another major to study because I did not want to stop my study at that time. I would love to become a teacher so I tried to research every school that had a teaching program. I found a private university have teaching program about English. I thought that was fine and I registered to that school and they accept for me to join in that school. I had to study very hard and English was my enemy, but then it started to change. I was OK with that and I still did not like it. I was shy because all my friends who were very good at English so they pick their major was English, they had good basic about that but I was not. I did not want to ask them any question in English because I felt stupid about that. I became passive in class, I just gave ideas for the essay in mother tongue. We did essays together in group. My friend always was the one who combines all ideas to create good essay.
I was embarrassed with myself because I had to depend too much on my friends to have grade like that. That was the reason why I want to study higher English. I asked my mom if she can support me to study more in English center. She replied me that she believed in me. I set my goal to study every day. I did not want to make her disappointed about me. Sometimes, I had many people made fun at me because I was studying English at university but did not have good knowledge. I tried to ignore them and thought more positive. After studying two years, I did not look back in the past and turned my face forward to the future. My English became better, I did not depend on my friend to finish essay. I know that nobody is perfect and it will never too late to start studying.