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The Experience of Having a Crush and Believing in Love

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You never know when you fall in love. Because as they say love happens at most unexpected places and at unexpected times. I’m pretty sure you are familiar with the lines. Well..it’s not wrong. But I didn’t believe it until 5 months ago. Because the stories that happened around me never gave me a chance to believe in true love. At the start, people would act like they can’t live without the person they love and after a few months, they would hate them more than anyone in this world. Like seriously…?? Cmon..how can you hate the same person whom you used to love so much. That’s not love…at least not in my world.

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What I think of love is…caring, willing to be there for that person no matter what, trying to spend as much time as possible in hanging out, talking or texting like you never want it to end forever, getting sparks or heart starts beating faster when that person looks at you or standing in front of you and you are lost of words or sometime you can’t even look at that person because you are too shy to do that. Simple little things, yet precious ones. But at the same time keeping in mind which most of us fail to do…is not to expect the same in return from the person you are in love with. Because that’s where love fails but never ends. So what happened to me 5 months ago that made me believe in love..??

Here’s my story… I would describe myself pretty much like a tomboy and I’m sure that’s what everybody thinks of me. Lean, tough, no fear. Nobody can think of me falling for a guy. Neither could I. I never showed interest in these things. And I still keep on acting like one and people think the same about me. Except for few ones like some of my best friends. Trust me they still find it very hard to believe it. I remember it was in January of the year 2016 when I first saw him. Or maybe I had before but it was the first time I had my eyes on him. And no..!! I’m not saying his name. Let’s call him by Mr. Kind here.

So Mr. Kind along with his team was out in the field practicing cricket. And I was there too for some reason. My eyes just caught Mr. Kind, Looking so much like a pro cricketer. It was definitely cricket which attracted me about him in the first place and I wanted to know more about his game. Believe me, I just wanted to know him as a player of the sport that I love. I stood there watching him practicing till it got over. When my best friend was finished with his practice and we were ready to go home, I asked him on the way about Mr. Kind. He told me his name and the next thing I know that I wanted to know more about him.

After that day, several days had passed the same, I watched him play but I hadn’t learned anything new about him. I’ll be honest…When the cricket season was over I had completely forgotten about him. One of the funniest things that happened and I didn’t even realize that I once texted him later that year in November about some industrial training. That was the first conversation we had, exactly two message conversation and that was it.

A year went, we still didn’t have any talk. Nor by texting neither face to face. I just watched him from a distance. And at the same time, I started to develop a crush on him. But it was just a crush. It happened with me so many times before. No big deal. I was totally okay with that.

It was September 2017 when I decided to start playing cricket again. I used to before… a long time ago but this time I was looking for some better clubs. I thought of asking Mr. Kind as he probably have quite some ideas regarding this and it was the perfect cheeky excuse for me to start a conversion with him. The conversation went really well. He was a friendly person. He still is. One of his messages I remember which I won’t ever forget was…’Your wish and my hard work will definitely make the day come soon.’ He replied to me with this after I told him that one day he will surely play for the state team. This message made me feel quite special. Though I know he didn’t mean it that way, but from my point of view, it is. Since that day there wasn’t a single day that my eyes won’t look for him whenever I was in college. And surprisingly there wasn’t a single day that I didn’t see him..even if it was for once. Is it fate? I really don’t know because it was very unusual for a crush. It never happened like that before. But yeah..we still didn’t exchange a single word face to face.

The first time we said something to each other..well him, not me, was during my cricket practice. I was batting and he came from behind and said to me ‘Bat de!!’. I simply handed over my bat so he could ground the stumps and gave it back to me. Like always I didn’t say a single word. That made me regret for a long time.

There were few times when me and my friends would talk about him..and they would keep pressing me to agree with the fact that I just don’t have a crush on him, I’m in love with him. I won’t believe that because I thought I knew I wasn’t until the day I realized that I’ve been in love with him the entire time. There were little things that indicated along the way but it was me who failed to understand that. The day I realized it was on my cricket match day where he was made the leg umpire. Mr. Kind..one day if you read this, though I know it was not your fault and I don’t blame you at all but that cricket match has been the most distracting match of my life. I never felt so nervous before. But what happened that day, the feelings made me question myself if what I have for him is more than just a crush..?

I’m usually very open about my feelings, but this time the feelings were different. I couldn’t tell people what I was dealing with. Not even my close friends. Even if I did, they couldn’t have helped me. The only way was if I could talk to Mr. Kind. I didn’t have to wait for much longer now to finally speak to him. Just after a month, we both went to a place regarding the farewell organization of our respective departments. Accompanied by two more friends of course. That day has been the best day of my life. Like why wouldn’t it be ? I spoke with him for the first time and then got to spend around 4 hours with him. I had lots and lots of fun, some new experiences, and so much laughter. And I didn’t want it to end. I guess I got my wish. Because we were back so late. I can’t write about all the crazy stuff that happened. But that day I have realized what it means to be in love and how does it feel to spend time with that person even if it’s just for a few hours.

I always wanted to confess my feelings to him but back in my mind, there was always this thinking about what if he never wants to talk to me again. We are still left with one more year of our college life, how I was going to face him? I didn’t want the friendship to end. So thought probably it would be better if I confess after we pass out. At the same site it also hit me that if I do so, I’ll sound like least caring about it which I’m not. So telling him before passing out will be good. The Campus drive was heading close and I knew that he was busy with it and I didn’t want to concern him. Probably it would be better if I tell him after the whole campus thing is over.

We were still on with WhatsApp. Not on a regular basis but very often we would text each other regarding assignments or he helping me out with my project. I always felt like telling him everything but I couldn’t. This year on the eve of Friendship Day while I was texting with my best friend, Mr. Kind’s name came up in a certain way. And my best friend was joking that he will tell Mr. Kind about me, which he does very often. So even I joked around my best friend that he doesn’t have the guts to do such things. But I guess I was wrong and insulted quite a bit about what he can really do. I had no clue that my best friend has already texted Mr. Kind in that span of time and told him not only that I have a crush on him, but I also love him. A week later I decided that I should confess to him. That would be the riskiest thing I have ever done. But I’m glad I did. What happened afterward…was the best time of my life ever since. No.. we are not in a relationship and neither it is that he said he feels the same about me. But it’s even sweeter than that. I’m pretty sure that I’ve never laughed so much or been more open to him before that day. We had a couple of minutes of funny cheeky conversation and I loved it. Thanks to my best friend…

The most embarrassing moment when I think about it now has to be…a couple of days after my best friend told him, I messaged him regarding the project, we sat together in the lab discussing assignment…and all that time he knew I liked him. It so makes me blush. It also puts a smile on my face thinking that in spite of knowing, he still remain the same person that he used to be, the person I fell in love with. Even now that he knows, I still feel shy to look at him. The more I try not to bump in front of him, I do. But I love it. My friends keep talking about him, but I tend to lie that I never think about him. Because I have no idea how.

I feel we both have lots of similarities that clicked and attracted me about him in the first place. I believe he’s my soulmate. Don’t know what Mr. Kind thinks of it. I know he considers me as a friend and I’m glad to be. There was a time when I thought he would not be the same after finding out the truth. That was all because of my overthinking. If love takes you towards a positive direction, makes you do and think good in life, makes you believe in yourself more, then that love is worth it. But if it’s the other way round, you are totally in the wrong direction.

Can love me onesided? Yes, absolutely. That is how the relationship between Mr. Kind and me. And I wouldn’t mind if it stays that way. In just less than a year we both will be heading in different directions in life. So I wanna let it be what it will be. It’s not like we have a date with destiny. When I started writing this, I had a conclusion in mind to finish it. But a couple of days earlier while I was talking to him, I kind of felt that there are still more yet to come to write in my story. So I decided to carry on with this writing until the day Mr. Kind reads it.

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